I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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