It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
