Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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