He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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