I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
