There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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