There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So much rum. So many feels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
