I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
