Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
