Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
