I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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