sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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