I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
