Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
