beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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