There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize