the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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