I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Welp...herpes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
