it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need moral support for this bender
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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