I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
