Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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