Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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