Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
