I have demons in me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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