if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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