Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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