can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
