He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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