a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize