U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Text me some of your sweat
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