Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
