I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
