The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
