So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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