this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
