tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
