Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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