I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
