he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
