I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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