My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
