I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
