Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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