end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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