what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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