Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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