How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
