Your face is a jimmy john
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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