im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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