I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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