my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
