just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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