youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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