Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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