when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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