Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
