I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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