Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
