I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize