I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
