shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
