a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Found your dick twin last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
