Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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