My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
