It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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