God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
