The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
