you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
