She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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