My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
