Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Randomize
