Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
