Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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