i think my tv is drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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