Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
