youre lurking in front of me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
