Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
