I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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