it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
