do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
