lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
