he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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