The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
