there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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