There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
