the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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