At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
of course. lets lasso hookers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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